THE JANK FILES

Hello. My name is Karmen and I'm 30 31. The Jank Files will chronicle my adventures with Invisalign - the clear adult braces that will make me sound lispy for approximately 1.5 years 6 months (!). Join me in rectifying my jank. UPDATE: I'm also getting metal braces so I can look like a fool for 3-4 months. No wait, make that 6. AAAH HA HA HA!

This is going to be the last update on The Jank Files because I am FINALLY done with both Invisalign and metal braces. I abandoned this blog for a while because braces hide teeth pretty well and it’s hard to do an update when you don’t really see much happening. Also, I’m lazy. At the end of this update I am going to reveal The Worst Picture of My Old Teeth. I have never posted it because it is truly terrifying and amazingly disgusting and I wanted to save it for the end. You are on the edge of your seats, I know it. Before we get to that nasty pic, let me show you the end results of having Invisalign for 7 months and metal braces for 8.

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Hi, I just had lunch an hour ago and I haven’t brushed my teeth yet (I brushed them this morning, calm down). Just now a tiny piece of food fell out of a bracket so naturally, I decided to eat it. CURIOUSLY, this did not taste like anything I ate for lunch or breakfast. And the texture was kind of like a cooked carrot which was definitely not consumed today (or any other veggie for that matter, LOLZ!). I wish I had taken this food bit out to look at it before eating it but who does that? That would be considered “weird” even in the privacy of my own menstrual hut.

I feel very crazy today. Enjoy it like I enjoyed this mystery food bit. No really, it was rather tasty.

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I’m alive and my teeth are still janking along. I won’t be done til February? So they say. By now it’s all lies to me. I don’t even care anymore, I’m beyond annoyed at this point and I want to rip these shitbags out of my mouth. Oh, the lady who put my wires back in yesterday did not even secure the ends. I didn’t go to dental school but I’m preeeetty sure that isn’t right. She didn’t put the elastics back in on the top row at all, she just snapped the wire into the brackets and now the ends are loose and flying around. That is awesome. I now have to wait 2 more weeks before that can get fixed but what’s ANOTHER 2 WEEKS TO THIS MESS???

Loving life & hating people,

Karmen

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