THE LAST UPDATE
This is going to be the last update on The Jank Files because I am FINALLY done with both Invisalign and metal braces. I abandoned this blog for a while because braces hide teeth pretty well and it’s hard to do an update when you don’t really see much happening. Also, I’m lazy. At the end of this update I am going to reveal The Worst Picture of My Old Teeth. I have never posted it because it is truly terrifying and amazingly disgusting and I wanted to save it for the end. You are on the edge of your seats, I know it. Before we get to that nasty pic, let me show you the end results of having Invisalign for 7 months and metal braces for 8.
The differences are pretty subtle from this angle. I notice some changes in tooth rotation in a few spots. If I had opened my mouth larger in the newest pic you would see that my top teeth close down and over my bottom teeth more now which I guess is what they’re supposed to do. It’s called a “closed bite.”
So far nothing is mind blowing, I know. But wait for it! These are the top teeth and I can see small changes/improvements with the two teeth on either side of the two big chompers in the middle. If you look closely at the newest pic you will be able to see my handsome mustache.
I think the changes from metal braces are more apparent here, don’t you? The bottom teeth are in a nice rounded semi circle now but in the pic from August you can see that they are ever so slightly twisted and not completely aligned.
OK! Here’s where you can see some really noticeable improvements. I think the top row of pics were taken when I finished Invisalign but I forgot to date them. Do you see all those spaces in between the top and bottom rows of my teeth? That’s the open bite the ortho said that Invisalign is not good at fixing. In the bottom pics you can see that my teeth overlap nicely and most of those gaps are gone. Also, I now look less like a buck toofed banjo playing hillbilly because my two front teeth don’t stick out as much. They definitely don’t from the right side but on the left I can still sorta see it which is why I will only be interviewed with cameras filming me from the right from now on, just like Mariah.
ARE YOU READY TO SEE THAT UGLY PIC OF MY OLD TEETH? If you’re eating, stop and put away your food. Hide your kids and your pets. Do not view near bedtime. And please promise to still stay friends with me after seeing this picture. But OMG, are you ready? OK, don’t say I didn’t warn you. You can still close out of this while you have the chance to. OKKKKKKKKKKKKk…
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! I LOOKED LIKE SLOTH FROM THE GOONIES!!! WHAT EFFECTIVE BIRTH CONTROL, AMIRITE???
It’s not even in focus because the camera was like, “Bitch this is too nasty!” and then the pixels would not pixelate or something. This is what you would have seen back in the day if you were a kid looking up at me while I mouth breathed and stood in line at the ice cream truck making sure you didn’t cut me. And with those teeth no one dared to.
So I hope that was worth the wait. Thank you for staring at pictures of my mouth; I really appreciate it. I am wearing some plastic retainers now that look like Invisalign trays. After a year of these I will switch to the ugly metal ones to sleep in. I will try really hard not to be lazy with the retainers. I should probably print out a copy of that nasty pic and tape it up in various places of my house just to remind me to put in my retainers right after I eat.
Questions? Comments? Oh jeez, compliments and marriage proposals?! Leave them below.
